My Favorite Faded Fantasy

by Tara

We often write of heartbreak and how does it make our life feel without the other person. Why have we not spoken much about of how live feels. I remember someone told me that the more we speak about anything in our life it will vanish. Speak about pain and it will go away. Speak about the man you love and he might leave. I am going to speak about it, the man who I am in love with. Not because I want him to disappear but I want to remember this feeling.

I never knew I would fall in love again, I thought I will never trust anyone enough to spend my days with again. I was content with the life I lead, work, home, alone, Netflix and popcorn which is all mine. I didn’t need to spend hours outside with someone, pretending to be happy and drinking down my loneliness.

At this point of my life, I have learnt to embrace my loneliness. The comfort I had by being alone was not the same as being with another being. I knew then, that if I was to find someone and fall in love again, he has to make me feel more comfortable than the loneliness did.

He did. This man I met, made being with him more comforting than being alone. How did it happen? Just like that, I would say to my friends. Honestly, it wasn’t so simple. I felt each bit of change in my heart and mind during these time.

We met through a social site. In the beginning, he was just a person I would rely on when I am disgruntled. We started talking once a week, twice a week and suddenly, it was on daily basis. We started making time for each other. During the busiest days, we would just say good morning and video call at night, rant about how bad the day went. It was fun. I had someone nice, some one I called a good friend.

Funny how, the social media had made us closer without even meeting each other. The day came when we finally said “Let’s meet this coming weekend”. A fine dashing young man stood in front of me. I pulled my hands out of my pocket to give him a handshake. He return the handshake and came closer and hugged me. Before letting go of me from his warmth of hug, he gave a peck on my cheek. I looked at him and gave a smile. He smiled back with his eyes glistening. My heart started racing and I was trying to breathe slowly. That was the very first time, I felt as such with him.

I brushed the feeling away, thinking it was my loneliness kicking in. We spent the whole night together talking about our lives and how we revolved. Smoking the pain we had away and inhaling the smoke we exhaled. His fingers ran through my hair as I laughed at his jokes. The exact feeling kicked in and I felt how lonely I was and desperately wanting someone to sleep with tonight.

I smiled at him and brushed of his hands and cracked a joke to avoid the awkwardness. We continued talking about so many other things, our perspectives on life, accepting our differences and our family. Funny how time flies and we watched the sunrise from my apartment. It was beautiful as the light rays starting seeping through the skyscrapers. It was beautiful as I had someone to hold hands with. It was beautiful as we shared a kiss.

And all I thought, he was going to be my favorite faded fantasy.